The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
