Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize