Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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