It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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