Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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