You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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