i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
