I am in a vortex of obligation.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
time to smoke my breakfast
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
