how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
