your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
