So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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