Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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