This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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