I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
