chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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