Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
