Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
