Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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