shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
