Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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