Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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