We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
