I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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