well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
