OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
