How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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