I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
