i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
