Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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