Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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