why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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