I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
40s are totally the cure
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
