so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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