so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
