I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
