we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
