his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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