I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
