all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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