Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
