before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
