how can u be prego again
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
