I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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