i was born a porn star she said
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
