my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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