I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize