why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
