Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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