Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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