Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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