a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
