Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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