and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
