seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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