he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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