I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its not stalking. its research.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
