five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
