When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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