Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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