im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize