Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
