I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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