I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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