Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
