is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
