So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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