remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
