i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
