dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize