Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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