Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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