I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
