hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize