would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
