If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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