She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
